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August 23, 2014

Cabin Fever

It’s Saturday, the sun is shining and at the moment the breeze outside the caravan is cool but tolerable so it’s lovely to be able to sit outside under the shade of the awning and enjoy the morning sunshine.  It seems as though it’s been such a long time since I was able to do that. 

What else can I expect?  It’s winter, and I’m in Melbourne!  It may not be as cold here as in other parts of Victoria, but it’s still cold and lately I’ve been really feeling the grey, wet miserable gloom of a Melbourne winter.  I feel like it’s seeped into my bones and has affected my state of happiness.

I feel like I want to be eating 'something' constantly, yet I’m not really hungry.  Maybe I’m bored?  I’ve always hated that word, ‘bored’, but perhaps that feeling of boredom also comes back to the grey skies and cold weather that have me feeling like I don't really want to do anything or go anywhere? 

In a quiet moment this morning, it occurred to me that perhaps I have been suffering from a common ailment that can sometimes affect Grey Nomads;  It's known as ‘Cabin Fever’ and normally comes from being cooped up inside the caravan for long periods of time when the inclement weather becomes just too awful to spend much time outside. 

I’ve had this topsy-turvy feeling in my moods, incredibly restless and desperate all of a sudden to have a house of my own or a cottage, a unit, in fact anything that has a little bit more space than the inside of our twenty five foot caravan. 

I’ve spent hours, in fact days, weeks even, trolling the internet perusing houses for sale in all of my favourite country towns and then having internal arguments with myself!  Is this really what I want?  Am I ready to give up the Grey Nomad lifestyle in preference for life in a house or cottage in a country town?  Am I really ready to stop travelling?

Perhaps it's just the knowledge that at present we are living in limbo that has me feeling this way? Yes limbo!  That's where my life is at present.  Our lives, really;  both mine and my husband's as we go through this round once more of treatment, scans, more side effects and everything else that consumes your daily thoughts and life as we hope for a cure and and end to his cancer. Recurring cancer is harder in some ways because we know so much more this time round than the first time.   

Who would have thought it would come back?  Certainly not either of us, we were happily travelling along enjoying our travels as well as our farm sits and believing that being in remission would last forever.   I guess two years remission is pretty good?  A permanent cure would be even better though! 

So now the sun is out, for the second day in a row.  Suddenly I feel inspired to actually want to do things.  My time of hibernation might be coming to an end and Spring will be here very soon.  Oh roll on summer !